350
Amount of money I spent the summer I was pregnant on ice cream alone. Yep, that doesn’t even count the free scoops I got or the free sundaes I received on my birthday. I celebrated my birthday six times that summer. And I really have the nerve to wonder about my “mysterious” weight gain.
15
The times I go in to check on the baby to make sure he’s breathing after I’ve put him to sleep. Then there is the few times I check on him before I go to sleep. And that doesn’t count the four more times during the night I rush into his room to make sure he didn’t go anywhere. And to double check to make sure he is breathing.
22
The number of times my husband goes in to check on the baby because he doesn’t trust my checking in on the baby. Why is that you ask? Well it is because I don’t poke and prod him to make him move to make sure he is breathing. I just put my head realllllly close to his face. Like that’s not annoying and I would bitch slap anyone that did that to me. I swear one day my kid will punch me in the face for doing that to him. I am waiting for it.
9
I hear phantom crying and rush to my baby’s side to see what’s up. He is fine. I am just a wee bit crazy and I hear things that I don’t even hear in real life. I am blaming it on the “hormones.” I don’t care if my kid is one years old and I really cant use that excuse anymore. I am sticking to my story.
57
the number of “extremely urgent” text messages I send my husband throughout the day. If he doesn’t answer within a few minutes I send off a few rapid fire emails and call him about 12 times or until he answers the phone. No meeting is more important than the well being of his child!!! That being said, I need a new emergency contact number because he doesn’t appreciate the calls about my baby’s poop color. Or care what he ate for lunch and how much he ate. It's the little details that matter hubby. I know you really deep down do care.
11
Diaper duty calls. Roughly the amount of diapers my kid goes through on a daily basis. It’s a dirty job and I prefer not to do it. I have been peed on, pooped on, farted on and peed on some more. He holds it in while waiting for me to undo the diaper, and then laughs while grabbing any part of himself that he can taking the mess to a whole different level. I've taken to wearing long armed rubber heavy duty gloves because the more he eats the worse the diapers become. Why don't changing tables come equipped with a hose?
6
that’s how many bottles I wash every day. Each bottle has a nipple, collar and a cap and I have to wash those too. With hot water and lots of soap. Simply just running the bottle and the parts under water doesn’t work and I really hate washing bottles. For some reason hubby is exempt from bottle washing and I am not quite sure how he swung that. I want to exempt myself from something. I am going to sleep on it and get back to him about it tomorrow, I want it to be a really good thing…
4
Outfit changes a day. Little kids grow so fast, why not change them often so you can enjoy those cute little outfits GMA bought before it is packed away in a giant clear box, stacked and labeled with the gender, size and season? Its getting harder to fight him into pants and button down shirts. But I am bigger, badder and stronger than you little baby so sit your tushy down and let me get your pants on!! So I will give you a fun toy, something to distract you for the 62 seconds I need to squish you into your clothes “look it’s mommy’s iphone!” But I probably should not have offered that because that’s not exactly something I want to go out and replace when he breaks it. I have no doubt that my phone will end up swirling down a flushed toilet one of these days. There are sweater vests and hats to be bought instead and of course desert boots, uggs and sperry’s. Because a toddler does need a fifty dollar pair of boots. Duh.
3, 768
number of photos I have taken of my baby on my phone. Because I will go through all 3,768 photos when compiling his wedding video montage and I need pictures from birth til one year old. Just in case. Im an advanced planner.
24
Ounces in my coffee cup, and no its not the first cup of the day. Maybe its my third? Good thing I moved to the Midwest where there is a drive thru dunkin donuts and a starbucks around the corner from my house and convientley en route to any place I may go. No point in drinking decaf, id rather suffer an excruciating caffeine migraine and be a total witch than drink non caffeinated coffee. What is the point then? It’s the legal mommy drug, how else do I function? Ok maybe I don’t want the excruciating migraine.
5
pounds my baby weighed at birth. That was according to the hospital scale.
40
pounds is what I consider my baby weighed at birth. That was the number increase on my scale. Of course my measurements are the accurate ones, I know my body best right? So why was the hospital scale so completely far off?? And the money they spend on medical devices and the taxes we pay. Shameful.
As I sit here counting, it is a cold blustery rainy day, the baby is asleep and the house is quiet. The smell of turkey roasting in the oven while the cranberry sauce waits in the fridge is enough to have me longing for winter. The days when the snow drifts up to the windows and you are warm and toasty inside with a mug of hot chocolate and little marshmallows. ( I bet I will want to eat those words in a few months.) I wait for my husband to get home from school and I know he will appreciate a nice home cooked dinner like this one. It is one of his favorites. Be sure to make the cranberry sauce a day ahead so it has time to chill in the fridge.
ROAST TURKEY WITH AUTUMN VEGETABLES AND CRANBERRY SAUCE
Ingredients:
One Split Turkey breast bone in(about 3 pounds)
1 large butternut squash, peeled, seeds scraped out and cubed
3 shallots, sliced
1 pound brussel sprouts, bottoms trimmed and cut in half
1 lemon
3 tbsp apricot jam
garlic powder
paprika
onion powder
salt and pepper
olive oil
Method:
· Preheat oven to 350
· In the bottom of a large roasting pan, place the cubed butternut squash, brussel sprouts and shallots. Toss with enough olive oil to coat lightly and season with salt and pepper. Squeeze the lemon over the vegetables, slice the lemon and add to the pan.
· Rinse well and pat dry the turkey.
· Place the turkey on top of the vegetables and season with salt and pepper.
· Drizzle some olive oil over the turkey and rub in, use your hands to do this, ensure the oil gets all over the skin.
· Rub the apricot jam over the turkey skin, and season with the garlic powder, onion powder and paprika. I like to “rain” the spices over the skin.
· Cover the pan tightly with heavy duty foil and place in the oven and bake for 45 minutes.
· After 45 minutes, remove from the oven and uncover.
· Place pan back in the oven for another 45 to an hour and continue to roast, when the time is up remove the pan from the oven and check for doneness by piercing the turkey with a small sharp knife. If the juices run clear then your turkey is done. The vegetables may need more time so remove the turkey from the pan and cook the vegetables longer.
· Allow the turkey to cool before slicing.
Fresh Cranberry Sauce
1 pound bag cranberries, fresh or frozen
1 cup orange juice
1 cup sugar
1 cinnamon stick
pinch of all spice
Method:
In a 3 qt saucepot, bring the orange juice, sugar, all spice and cinnamon stick to a boil. Add in the cranberries and bring back to a boil. Once the pot is boiling lower the flame to a simmer and simmer the berries for 15 minutes. Be careful because cranberries have known to explode and pop and boil over creating a sticky mess on your stove top!
Pour sauce into a pretty dish large enough to hold it and cool. Place a piece of plastic directly onto the surface of the sauce and refrigerate, this will allow to the sauce to further thicken and congeal. Best if made ahead and cooled overnight.
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