Out of the mouths of babes

Every night before I go to sleep I clean up my kids playroom. I am of course only doing this until he is old enough to do it himself, say around two years old? I put all the small little doodads and cars and blocks into these cute animal bins and I line all the big toys up nicely in a row. I then collect all the Sippy cups and wads of paper, (I still cant figure out where he finds the paper), pieces of food that he squirrels away in his shorts and stray articles of clothing. I even bought a small cubicle storage shelf to put all the midsize toys. That will stay in there so long as he doesn’t try to scale the sides. I give it a week; my paper towels need a home so no love lost there. Playroom nice and neat, just the way I like it. But I wonder, what do you think goes on in his head when he sees his playroom the next morning? I bet it goes something along the lines of this:

“What the f*** MA! Where did my blocks go? Why is the car in that corner and where the hell is my snack that I left here? Where’s my paper collection? I was planning on doing something with it. Something soon, I’m not sure what but heyyyy waaa!!!!, and no I do not want those stupid click toys. Out you go!” Oh but look at the light switch! I want to touch that, I want to flick it on and off 67 times and then I want to, oh look, a tiny piece of lint on the floor, I need to put that in my mouth!!! But where’s my milk? Hurry it up MA!! Ill wait here…. dadadadadadadadadadadaaaa.”

Then comes breakfast, what the world considers THE most important meal of the day. I still think a 24oz cup of coffee suffices. I’m just fine aren’t I? But all the best for my kid, I like to think a warm bowl of oatmeal with Greek yogurt and some ripe banana chunks is a nice way for a baby to start the day. I mean I wouldn’t eat that if I were him, he would probably prefer waffles or a bagel and cream cheese but isn’t motherhood all about do as I say and not what I do? Love it. So breakfast, you have your carbs, your protein and your “dessert like” treat. But no. The kid has other ideas. First he may think

“ Oh not this shit oatmeal again. But I will use it to exfoliate my face, it makes my skin soft, its gooey and pasty and I can sqquueeeezzze it through my fingers.” Next the yogurt gets shmeared all over the tray…”this white stuff? Better off as finger paint and plugging up my ear holes. Ahhhhh its cold! MA! I don’t like this! Help me please!!! Last but not least the banana chunks get chucked to the floor one by one very methodically. “One banana chunk for this side of the chair, one banana chunk for the other side…can I reach the fridge if I throw hard enough? oh, whats that paper thing hanging there, i need to touch and taste that... Ew EW EW EW I don’t like these. I want green food like avocado, why can’t I see any green food? I need to talk. Really I need too. It would help me out a lot here. I would get waffles and avocado…hey look it’s the ipad! Show me Elmo! ELMO! ELLMMOOOO!

So I end up feeding him bits of my waffle and tossing the oatmeal, sweeping up banana and cleaning off the tray from the yogurt. Some breakfast made into his mouth but that’s because I am doing the most god-awful thing a mother can do. I turn my IPAD on to a sesame street episode and while his mouth is hanging open in a sesame street, TV, brain rotting Elmo daze I shovel in the very healthy breakfast I so lovingly prepared. Maybe I should just offer him the waffles to begin with.

After naptime we go outside. I enjoy being outside so I trained my son to love his stroller from the time he was a newborn. Works amazing because I go a little stir crazy spending too much time at home. When it rains, forget about it. I’m a nut case. I pack the diaper bag I pack his snacks (and my snacks, I have such a fondness for cheese crackers these days.) I plop him in the stroller and out we go. I see the little wheels in his head turning…

“Yea! Park time! YEA! I love the squirrels and the woodchips and the climbing toys and the trees and leaves and the big kids that play in that cool looking dirt pile but mommy says I’m not allowed in there because I eat dirt. She is kind of right. I really love eating dirt and i like eating feathers and lint. Lint is weird, it makes my nose tickle… I wonder if mommy will let me try that new tunnel toy today it looks awesome and I’m so so excited I think I peed a little, yep I did pee...I will let mommy know in a minute…wait a second…. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING AT CVS???

So since I keep buying yogurt in the hope that my kid will wake up on day and go mmmm yogurt, I started using it a lot in my baking and cooking. So here’s a muffin recipe I deem healthy because it has fruit and yogurt so I don’t feel guilty about feeding it to my kid.

Blueberry Yogurt Muffins

1 stick unsalted butter, melted

½ cup plain whole milk yogurt

2 extra large eggs

1 tbsp. vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

¾ cup sugar, heaping

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

½ tsp. cinnamon

1 pint fresh blueberries picked over for stems and bruised berries

Method:

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Line muffin pans with paper liners and spray the inside of the liners with pam.

Melt butter in a microwave safe bowl in short burst so it doesn’t explode. Nothing ruins the fun of baking like cleaning up a butter mess in the microwave.

into the bowl with the melted butter, whisk in the yogurt, eggs and vanilla until combined well.

In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt

Add the butter mixture to the dry ingredients and stir until just barely combined. You should have lumps and streaks of flour.

Fold in blueberries gently and by doing so you will mix in the flour a bit more, don’t over mix. Lumps and muffins love each other.

Divide batter among 12 muffin cups, using an ice cream scoop to portion evenly.

Bake 18-20 minutes, a toothpick inserted into the center should be clean with a few moist crumbs and the tops should be a light golden brown.

Cool in pans on a rack 15 minutes, then remove muffins to a wire cooling rack to cool

Serve warm or at room temperature.

These muffins also freeze very well so bake a bunch when you’ve got those tubs of yogurt needing someplace else to go besides the trash can!