Facebook as a learning tool, that's right parents!

Thank god for Facebook. Facebook keeps me up to date on all current news and world events. Because yes that is the source as to where I glean all my information and knowledge from. Thanks to the individuals who posted about Wall Street and its 99%, I was able to partake in an intelligent conversation around the dinner table with friends of my husband. They are all smarty-pants in business school so when in Rome, you know, when in Rome. Kudos to those that post about Kim Kardashian so I don’t look like a total loser when I don’t even know about the lives of the rich and the famous. I can now display the right amount of shock and disbelief when talking about her 72-day marriage. It’s all right Kim; don’t let THEM knock you down.

I feel for all of you in the Tri-state area that dealt with snow in October and power outages, but you should all be thankful for Facebook because you have all been able to update your statuses and bitch and moan about your lack of power. See? The good that Facebook does, keeps us all connected and abreast of every situation.

I mostly use Facebook as a way to post photos of my kid thus setting precedent for embarrassing moments in his future. First potential girlfriend friends him on Facebook? She sees a photo of him shoving food in his mouth and smearing it all over his hair. Here I thought it was adorable but she might think “oh what a pig, I’m so not going on date with him, who wants to watch someone eat like that?” Now how about when he applies for a prestigious summer internship? His would-be-boss takes a look at a photo of him naked except for a diaper and climbing on his block table. Again ADORABLE! But that boss might wonder if my kid is a closet nudist and possibly into scaling the office walls and shelves. So he might not be hired for that summer internship. But then I say, hey kid you are better off, you wouldn’t want to work in an environment that stifles your creativity now would you.

Our kids these days have their whole lives broadcast online but for only your friends of friends of friends and their friends to see. When in line at the supermarket I log onto to Facebook via my iPhone and I show my kid different photos of himself and his friends. He loves it, and I love it more because I’m able to breeze through that checkout line without ripping a balloon, candy bar, package of gum and the pole you put on the conveyor belt out of his hands. Facebook as a distraction tool. Works marvelous while changing a diaper as well.

And now thanks to facebook, I am petrified of my baby’s bath soap. I read a posting on the dangers of Johnson and Johnson head to toe baby wash and no more good sweet smelling baby before bed. Now I’ve got a fragrance free, no frills no bubbles and no fun soap that cost me twenty dollars more, so expensive soap for the baby means no new shoes for me. But I can go to Starbucks and get myself a cheer up hot cocoa served in the red holiday cups that friends on Facebook have been posting about, thanks guys!

In order to spend more time on Facebook I like to make a quick and easy dinner that involves no more than a few ingredients and that the whole family will love. And we all love curry apparently. I adapted this from a Martha Stewart magazine. The recipe makes a ton and my husband even added to it the next day by frying an egg and eating it along with the re-warmed rice mixture.

One Pot Curried Cauliflower Rice

· Olive oil

· 1 large head cauliflower cut into bite size pieces

· salt and pepper

· 1 large onion diced

· 2 cups whole grain basmati rice

· 4 tsp curry powder

· 1 can (15 oz) chick peas drained

· 3 cups water

· ½ cup heavy cream

· preheat the oven to 400.

· In a dutch oven or another oven safe pot that can hold all the ingredients, heat some olive oil in the pan, enough to coat the bottom.

· Add in the cauliflower and sautee until nice and brown, season with salt and pepper. Transfer the cauliflower to a bowl.

· Add some more oil to the pot if needed and sautee the onion for about 5 minutes until translucent.

· To the pot, add in the rice, chickpeas, curry powder and season with salt and pepper. Sautee this mixture until the rice is coated and starting to brown a little 2 to 5 minutes.

· Add in the water and cream, bring to a boil.

· Add the cauliflower back to the pot right on top, cover and place the whole thing in the oven.

· Bake until the water is absorbed by the rice, anywhere from 30 to 40 minutes because brown and whole grain rice take longer to cook.

· Let the pot cool 10 minutes before serving.

· Serve with a mixed green salad and a crusty loaf of bread.

My Very First Mother's Day

Oddly enough I was looking forward to my first mothers day. I already picked out the mothers day present I wanted my son to present to me, I had purchased it and gave the bag to my husband and told him “thank you, I love them and you can give me this on Sunday.” Made his job a little easier. I know im not the easiest person to buy a gift for and I have very specific taste, I picked out a pair of gold stud earrings shaped like apples that I could wear for everyday and not have to worry that the baby would grab them and break them. Apples as an ode to my foodie background and my love of food and because my son is the apple of my eye…the day is full of clichés, why not just go with it?? As a further showing of their love for me, my husband had planned that together with my son they were going to make me a pancake breakfast and allow me to sleep in. keep in mind my son was all of 8 months old at the time. I am all excited about this because I don’t think I slept til 9am in what maybe a year?? I was one of the lucky preggos that couldn’t sleep much in the last trimester, instead watched Netflix on my computer all hours of the night. Good times.

I get into bed that night, a bed that was full of the promise of a nice-long-deep-sheep counting-cow moon jumping slumber….

Only to be woken at 6:15 am.

“sorry babe, where is the bottle? Did you pump enough for me to feed him? It looks like he might need more than 6 oz, why don’t you just nurse him and ill take him as soon as your done.”

6:25am

I hand the baby back to my husband and burrow back down into the pillows and pull the blanket over my head, close my eyes…

6:30am

“so sorry but where is the pancake mix? I looked in the back of the pantry and I cant find it?? So I tell my husband that he put it on the counter last night next to the bottle of vanilla extract and the mixing bowl he wanted to use. I also informed him that the pancake pan was on the bottom shelf of the rack or he could just use the griddle. Since it was only 6:30 I could get at least a few more hours of sleep…

7:00am

hubby comes running into the bedroom with the baby in his outstretched arms, “I’m outta wipes! He just made a huge shit and I have no wipes!! Where are the wipes??? How do we not have any wipes?? here you take him while I wet some paper towels to wipe him off! Oh god it smells so bad I think I just threw up in my mouth a little!”

Oh jeez. nothing like a shit smelling baby sitting in your bed at 7am while your husband can't find the wipes that are in the drawer beneath the changing table. And on your one day that you were granted as your sleep in late day. Those days are precious and really hard to come by.

7:28am

“Hon, the baby is rubbing his eyes, is he tired? Does he need a nap now, he just woke up at 6, is it too early to put him down? You know what, ill just give him his pacifier and put him the stroller, you go back to sleep, I can handle this.”

8:13am

“How much water do I put in the coffee maker? And do you want chocolate chip pancakes or banana pancakes? or both?”

8:18am

“Never mind, we don’t have chocolate chips or maybe I just don’t know where you put anything, or bananas. I fed the baby the last banana because I didn’t know how to make the oatmeal like you make it and he was screaming for something to eat, sorry about that. Plain pancakes it is. Would you like your coffee now, I poured it over ice and added milk so you wanna come hang out with me while I make the pancakes?”

So much for my blissful uninterrupted sleep. One day. Maybe one day soon. But I ate my delicious pancakes, drank my iced coffee and admired my beautiful new earrings. And I had a great first mothers day, happy day to me. But I"ll tell you this, next year I am setting some ground rules first.

Here is one of my favorite go to dessert recipes that I bake when I need a real crowd pleaser and uses only one bowl. easy clean up. If making your own tart filling scares you, no problem. Simply substitute with a 16oz can of your favorite blueberry pie filling (or any other flavor). I highly recommend making your own though, you will feel very accomplished.

Blueberry Crumb Tart

For the filling:

12 oz. frozen blueberries

1 cinnamon stick

juice of one lemon

½ cup plus 2 TBSP sugar

2 TBSP light corn syrup

1 ½ TBSP cornstarch dissolved with a little bit of cold water

½ cup fresh blueberries

For the tart:

2 cups all purpose flour

1 cup sugar

½ cup canola oil

1 extra large egg

2 tsp. vanilla extract

1 tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. salt

Make the filling first so it has a chance to cool before pouring into the crust. You can also make the filling a few days in advance and store in the fridge tightly sealed.

In a small saucepan over medium heat combine the frozen blueberries, cinnamon stick, sugar, lemon juice and corn syrup. Bring the mixture to a boil stirring occasionally. Taste it and see if you want to add more sugar.

Once the mixture has boiled, lower the heat and stir in the cornstarch that has been dissolved with a little cold water. It will be a bit thick and gloppy. Bring the mixture back to a boil and boil for one minute while stirring. This is important because the starch needs to boil out so you aren’t left with a pasty mouth feel. Once the mixture has boiled for a minute, pour the filling into a clean bowl and stir in the fresh blueberries. Set aside to cool and remove the cinnamon stick before pouring the filling into the crust.

If making this in advance, stir in the fresh blueberries, allow the mixture to cool and refrigerating in a tightly sealed container. You can leave the cinnamon stick in here, just remove it when you are ready to use it.

Preheat the oven to 375

· Grease a 9 inch fluted tart pan that has a removable bottom, you can find this in a specialty store or order online. if you don’t have one, you can use a 9inch spring form pan instead, however the fluted sides allow for a more professional touch. Place the pan on a baking sheet big enough to hold it, 11 by 17 inches or half size sheet pan.

· In a bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Add in the egg, vanilla and oil and mix with your hands, yes use your hands! Mix until the mixture resembles wet sand.

· Place half the mixture into the pan and press down firmly on the bottom. Press the dough up the sides as well. If using a spring form makes sure you get at least an inch up the wall of the pan. In the fluted pan just make sure you get at least a little more than halfway up the sides. Press firmly all around.

· Pour the filling into the crust and spread over the crust

· Crumble the rest of the mixture evenly over the filling and spread out so it covers the entire tart.

· Place in the center of the oven and bake for 35 minutes or until the crust is golden brown and the filling has bubbled out a little bit and the top has cracked ever so slightly.

· To serve: remove the tart from the pan, slide the ring down your arm and set the whole thing onto a plate or platter. You can leave the bottom on so you don’t crack the tart but make sure you put some scotch tape rounds on the plate that you are using so the tart doesn’t go sliding off while you are carrying it to the table. Little insider trick J

· Pile some fresh blueberries and raspberries in the center and dust the whole thing with confectioners sugar.

Let's play the numbers game

350

Amount of money I spent the summer I was pregnant on ice cream alone. Yep, that doesn’t even count the free scoops I got or the free sundaes I received on my birthday. I celebrated my birthday six times that summer. And I really have the nerve to wonder about my “mysterious” weight gain.

15

The times I go in to check on the baby to make sure he’s breathing after I’ve put him to sleep. Then there is the few times I check on him before I go to sleep. And that doesn’t count the four more times during the night I rush into his room to make sure he didn’t go anywhere. And to double check to make sure he is breathing.

22

The number of times my husband goes in to check on the baby because he doesn’t trust my checking in on the baby. Why is that you ask? Well it is because I don’t poke and prod him to make him move to make sure he is breathing. I just put my head realllllly close to his face. Like that’s not annoying and I would bitch slap anyone that did that to me. I swear one day my kid will punch me in the face for doing that to him. I am waiting for it.

9

I hear phantom crying and rush to my baby’s side to see what’s up. He is fine. I am just a wee bit crazy and I hear things that I don’t even hear in real life. I am blaming it on the “hormones.” I don’t care if my kid is one years old and I really cant use that excuse anymore. I am sticking to my story.

57

the number of “extremely urgent” text messages I send my husband throughout the day. If he doesn’t answer within a few minutes I send off a few rapid fire emails and call him about 12 times or until he answers the phone. No meeting is more important than the well being of his child!!! That being said, I need a new emergency contact number because he doesn’t appreciate the calls about my baby’s poop color. Or care what he ate for lunch and how much he ate. It's the little details that matter hubby. I know you really deep down do care.

11

Diaper duty calls. Roughly the amount of diapers my kid goes through on a daily basis. It’s a dirty job and I prefer not to do it. I have been peed on, pooped on, farted on and peed on some more. He holds it in while waiting for me to undo the diaper, and then laughs while grabbing any part of himself that he can taking the mess to a whole different level. I've taken to wearing long armed rubber heavy duty gloves because the more he eats the worse the diapers become. Why don't changing tables come equipped with a hose?

6

that’s how many bottles I wash every day. Each bottle has a nipple, collar and a cap and I have to wash those too. With hot water and lots of soap. Simply just running the bottle and the parts under water doesn’t work and I really hate washing bottles. For some reason hubby is exempt from bottle washing and I am not quite sure how he swung that. I want to exempt myself from something. I am going to sleep on it and get back to him about it tomorrow, I want it to be a really good thing…

4

Outfit changes a day. Little kids grow so fast, why not change them often so you can enjoy those cute little outfits GMA bought before it is packed away in a giant clear box, stacked and labeled with the gender, size and season? Its getting harder to fight him into pants and button down shirts. But I am bigger, badder and stronger than you little baby so sit your tushy down and let me get your pants on!! So I will give you a fun toy, something to distract you for the 62 seconds I need to squish you into your clothes “look it’s mommy’s iphone!” But I probably should not have offered that because that’s not exactly something I want to go out and replace when he breaks it. I have no doubt that my phone will end up swirling down a flushed toilet one of these days. There are sweater vests and hats to be bought instead and of course desert boots, uggs and sperry’s. Because a toddler does need a fifty dollar pair of boots. Duh.

3, 768

number of photos I have taken of my baby on my phone. Because I will go through all 3,768 photos when compiling his wedding video montage and I need pictures from birth til one year old. Just in case. Im an advanced planner.

24

Ounces in my coffee cup, and no its not the first cup of the day. Maybe its my third? Good thing I moved to the Midwest where there is a drive thru dunkin donuts and a starbucks around the corner from my house and convientley en route to any place I may go. No point in drinking decaf, id rather suffer an excruciating caffeine migraine and be a total witch than drink non caffeinated coffee. What is the point then? It’s the legal mommy drug, how else do I function? Ok maybe I don’t want the excruciating migraine.

5

pounds my baby weighed at birth. That was according to the hospital scale.

40

pounds is what I consider my baby weighed at birth. That was the number increase on my scale. Of course my measurements are the accurate ones, I know my body best right? So why was the hospital scale so completely far off?? And the money they spend on medical devices and the taxes we pay. Shameful.

As I sit here counting, it is a cold blustery rainy day, the baby is asleep and the house is quiet. The smell of turkey roasting in the oven while the cranberry sauce waits in the fridge is enough to have me longing for winter. The days when the snow drifts up to the windows and you are warm and toasty inside with a mug of hot chocolate and little marshmallows. ( I bet I will want to eat those words in a few months.) I wait for my husband to get home from school and I know he will appreciate a nice home cooked dinner like this one. It is one of his favorites. Be sure to make the cranberry sauce a day ahead so it has time to chill in the fridge.

ROAST TURKEY WITH AUTUMN VEGETABLES AND CRANBERRY SAUCE

Ingredients:

One Split Turkey breast bone in(about 3 pounds)

1 large butternut squash, peeled, seeds scraped out and cubed

3 shallots, sliced

1 pound brussel sprouts, bottoms trimmed and cut in half

1 lemon

3 tbsp apricot jam

garlic powder

paprika

onion powder

salt and pepper

olive oil

Method:

· Preheat oven to 350

· In the bottom of a large roasting pan, place the cubed butternut squash, brussel sprouts and shallots. Toss with enough olive oil to coat lightly and season with salt and pepper. Squeeze the lemon over the vegetables, slice the lemon and add to the pan.

· Rinse well and pat dry the turkey.

· Place the turkey on top of the vegetables and season with salt and pepper.

· Drizzle some olive oil over the turkey and rub in, use your hands to do this, ensure the oil gets all over the skin.

· Rub the apricot jam over the turkey skin, and season with the garlic powder, onion powder and paprika. I like to “rain” the spices over the skin.

· Cover the pan tightly with heavy duty foil and place in the oven and bake for 45 minutes.

· After 45 minutes, remove from the oven and uncover.

· Place pan back in the oven for another 45 to an hour and continue to roast, when the time is up remove the pan from the oven and check for doneness by piercing the turkey with a small sharp knife. If the juices run clear then your turkey is done. The vegetables may need more time so remove the turkey from the pan and cook the vegetables longer.

· Allow the turkey to cool before slicing.

Fresh Cranberry Sauce

1 pound bag cranberries, fresh or frozen

1 cup orange juice

1 cup sugar

1 cinnamon stick

pinch of all spice

Method:

In a 3 qt saucepot, bring the orange juice, sugar, all spice and cinnamon stick to a boil. Add in the cranberries and bring back to a boil. Once the pot is boiling lower the flame to a simmer and simmer the berries for 15 minutes. Be careful because cranberries have known to explode and pop and boil over creating a sticky mess on your stove top!

Pour sauce into a pretty dish large enough to hold it and cool. Place a piece of plastic directly onto the surface of the sauce and refrigerate, this will allow to the sauce to further thicken and congeal. Best if made ahead and cooled overnight.